You Don’t Have to Achieve to Be Loved
For women who have built careers around high expectations and constant achievement, the idea that success does not determine personal worth can be difficult to embrace. On the Executive Alliance Podcast, host Rebecca Snyder speaks with executive coach and author Becca Pearce about the experiences behind her book, You Don’t Have to Achieve to Be Loved. Their conversation explores what happens when professional identity is shaken, how values can reshape decisions, and why vulnerability can make leadership stronger.
Listen to the Executive Alliance Podcast on Spotify: Listen on Spotify
When Achievement Becomes Identity
Pearce is clear that she is not opposed to ambition. Her concern is the belief that the next promotion, salary milestone, or title will finally prove someone deserves love or belonging. She describes spending decades driven by that belief, tracing part of it to childhood and a longing to hear her mother say she was proud. Even becoming a CEO at 39 did not resolve that need for validation.
Two experiences forced Pearce to reconsider the path she had followed. As the leader responsible for implementing Maryland’s health benefit exchange, she faced a highly public launch failure and lost her job. Fourteen months later, she was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Surgery left her facing significant physical challenges, including facial paralysis, hearing and vision loss, and balance difficulties. Recovery required months of relearning how to walk and navigate daily life.
The Leadership Lessons in Saying No
Looking back on the exchange, Pearce does not minimize what went wrong. She acknowledges that the organization accomplished important work, including building a large team and coordinating agencies that had not historically worked well together. But she also describes an overly complicated technology effort and a leadership mistake: not saying no often enough. Pressures from multiple stakeholders, along with her own confidence that she could deliver, made it difficult to narrow the project to a manageable starting point.
She also recognizes that she was too deep in operational details to lead as effectively as she needed to. Her advice for executives now is that, at the senior level, leadership becomes fundamentally about people. The executive team is not merely a collection of functional leaders defending their own departments; it is a team with shared responsibilities.
Making Room for Feelings and Values
Pearce remembers once expecting employees to leave their emotions at the door. Today, she sees that approach differently. She believes leaders need to pay attention to the feelings beneath conflict, including embarrassment, hurt, or a sense of being disrespected. As a board member, she brings that perspective into conversations by asking about staff experiences and how people are feeling.
Her definition of success has changed, too. Rather than measuring herself by titles or income, she focuses on meaningful impact and living in alignment with her values. Family comes first. She describes balance less as a perfect division between work and home than as an ongoing integration of competing priorities. Another guiding value, “kind directness,” means offering difficult feedback while creating enough trust for someone to hear it.
Vulnerability Is a Leadership Practice
Pearce’s physical recovery challenged her former assumption that determination alone could solve any problem. Needing help made her more open to others, and she began to see vulnerability as a leadership strength rather than a weakness. In her view, vulnerability is not indiscriminate personal disclosure. It is the willingness to acknowledge that a leader does not have every answer and that other people may have better ideas.
For leaders unsure where to begin, she recommends a small, practical step: ask colleagues what they think—and genuinely listen. An invitation to improve an idea can create space for others to contribute and for a leader to become more comfortable sharing responsibility. That openness can grow through practice.
Choosing a Different Kind of Success
Pearce does not describe reinvention as a clean break from her former self. She still values the discipline, confidence, and business judgment that helped her succeed as an executive. What changed was her decision about which qualities to carry forward and which expectations no longer served her. Coaching, writing, and speaking now give her opportunities to use that experience differently.
Her story offers a useful question for accomplished women: Is the next achievement something they truly want, or something they believe they need to prove their worth? Pearce’s answer is not to abandon ambition, but to make room for a fuller definition of success—one grounded in values, relationships, impact, and the freedom to choose.
About Becca Pearce
Becca Pearce is an executive coach, author, and former healthcare executive whose career includes leading Maryland’s health benefit exchange implementation. After a public professional setback and recovery from brain tumor surgery, she reconsidered how achievement, values, and identity shaped her life. Her book, You Don’t Have to Achieve to Be Loved, explores that transformation and offers tools for people reconsidering their own paths. She also works with leaders on coaching and speaking.
This blog post was written with the assistance of AI.
Other Articles



