You Don’t Have to Achieve to Be Loved

Kristin Wagonblott • September 18, 2026

For women who have built careers around high expectations and constant achievement, the idea that success does not determine personal worth can be difficult to embrace. On the Executive Alliance Podcast, host Rebecca Snyder speaks with executive coach and author Becca Pearce about the experiences behind her book, You Don’t Have to Achieve to Be Loved. Their conversation explores what happens when professional identity is shaken, how values can reshape decisions, and why vulnerability can make leadership stronger. 



Listen to the Executive Alliance Podcast on Spotify: Listen on Spotify 


When Achievement Becomes Identity 

Pearce is clear that she is not opposed to ambition. Her concern is the belief that the next promotion, salary milestone, or title will finally prove someone deserves love or belonging. She describes spending decades driven by that belief, tracing part of it to childhood and a longing to hear her mother say she was proud. Even becoming a CEO at 39 did not resolve that need for validation. 


Two experiences forced Pearce to reconsider the path she had followed. As the leader responsible for implementing Maryland’s health benefit exchange, she faced a highly public launch failure and lost her job. Fourteen months later, she was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Surgery left her facing significant physical challenges, including facial paralysis, hearing and vision loss, and balance difficulties. Recovery required months of relearning how to walk and navigate daily life. 


The Leadership Lessons in Saying No 

Looking back on the exchange, Pearce does not minimize what went wrong. She acknowledges that the organization accomplished important work, including building a large team and coordinating agencies that had not historically worked well together. But she also describes an overly complicated technology effort and a leadership mistake: not saying no often enough. Pressures from multiple stakeholders, along with her own confidence that she could deliver, made it difficult to narrow the project to a manageable starting point. 


She also recognizes that she was too deep in operational details to lead as effectively as she needed to. Her advice for executives now is that, at the senior level, leadership becomes fundamentally about people. The executive team is not merely a collection of functional leaders defending their own departments; it is a team with shared responsibilities. 


Making Room for Feelings and Values 

Pearce remembers once expecting employees to leave their emotions at the door. Today, she sees that approach differently. She believes leaders need to pay attention to the feelings beneath conflict, including embarrassment, hurt, or a sense of being disrespected. As a board member, she brings that perspective into conversations by asking about staff experiences and how people are feeling. 


Her definition of success has changed, too. Rather than measuring herself by titles or income, she focuses on meaningful impact and living in alignment with her values. Family comes first. She describes balance less as a perfect division between work and home than as an ongoing integration of competing priorities. Another guiding value, “kind directness,” means offering difficult feedback while creating enough trust for someone to hear it. 


Vulnerability Is a Leadership Practice 

Pearce’s physical recovery challenged her former assumption that determination alone could solve any problem. Needing help made her more open to others, and she began to see vulnerability as a leadership strength rather than a weakness. In her view, vulnerability is not indiscriminate personal disclosure. It is the willingness to acknowledge that a leader does not have every answer and that other people may have better ideas. 


For leaders unsure where to begin, she recommends a small, practical step: ask colleagues what they think—and genuinely listen. An invitation to improve an idea can create space for others to contribute and for a leader to become more comfortable sharing responsibility. That openness can grow through practice. 


Choosing a Different Kind of Success 

Pearce does not describe reinvention as a clean break from her former self. She still values the discipline, confidence, and business judgment that helped her succeed as an executive. What changed was her decision about which qualities to carry forward and which expectations no longer served her. Coaching, writing, and speaking now give her opportunities to use that experience differently. 


Her story offers a useful question for accomplished women: Is the next achievement something they truly want, or something they believe they need to prove their worth? Pearce’s answer is not to abandon ambition, but to make room for a fuller definition of success—one grounded in values, relationships, impact, and the freedom to choose. 


About Becca Pearce 

Becca Pearce is an executive coach, author, and former healthcare executive whose career includes leading Maryland’s health benefit exchange implementation. After a public professional setback and recovery from brain tumor surgery, she reconsidered how achievement, values, and identity shaped her life. Her book, You Don’t Have to Achieve to Be Loved, explores that transformation and offers tools for people reconsidering their own paths. She also works with leaders on coaching and speaking. 


This blog post was written with the assistance of AI. 


Other Articles

By Kristin Wagonblott • November 5, 2026
Women are essential to Maryland’s economic future, but persistent barriers continue to limit their participation, advancement, and financial security. In this episode of the Executive Alliance Podcast, host Rebecca Snyder speaks with Maryland Comptroller Brooke Lierman and Dani DiPietro of the Comptroller’s Office about a new report examining women’s experiences in Maryland’s economy. Their conversation explores the realities behind the data, the challenges facing women entrepreneurs, and opportunities for policymakers and business leaders to create meaningful change. Listen to the Executive Alliance Podcast on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/033CPjpWSpbNiaBIlljxh1?si=56fdebfb23444ca2 Understanding the Economic Cost of Inequality Women make up more than 51% of Maryland’s population. As Comptroller Brooke Lierman explains, the state cannot reach its full economic potential if women are unable to reach theirs. That understanding prompted the Comptroller’s Office to examine how women participate in Maryland’s economy and what continues to hold them back. The report builds on earlier research into childcare, housing, immigration, and other factors shaping the state’s economic health. Rather than relying exclusively on statistics, the research team spoke with nearly 200 women through seven roundtable discussions across Maryland. For DiPietro, combining quantitative research with lived experience is essential: data identifies disparities, while conversations help explain why they persist. The Participation Gap Is More Complicated Than It Appears One central finding is an eight-percentage-point gap between men’s and women’s labor force participation in Maryland. That gap becomes much larger among certain groups: 32 percentage points among people with limited English proficiency, 23 among those without a high school diploma, and 21 among married adults with young children. These differences suggest targeted responses rather than a single statewide solution. DiPietro highlighted English-language education, recognition of credentials earned abroad, career and technical education, flexible workplace policies, and paid family and medical leave. The goal is not to push every woman into the workforce; it is to remove barriers for women who want to work but cannot find opportunities that fit their circumstances. When Entrepreneurship Becomes a Necessity One of the conversation’s most revealing themes concerns women-owned businesses. Women have been starting businesses at a faster rate than men since the pandemic. On the surface, that sounds encouraging. But DiPietro cautions that the motivations deserve closer examination. Some women pursue entrepreneurship because traditional workplaces have failed to provide advancement, flexibility, or stability. Others have experienced layoffs or discrimination. A roundtable participant described starting a business out of necessity because the workforce was not built for someone in her circumstances to get ahead. Entrepreneurship can offer autonomy, but it also introduces risks. Women may sacrifice employer-sponsored health insurance, retirement benefits, and predictable income. Meanwhile, access to capital remains a substantial obstacle. DiPietro discussed evidence of lower loan approval rates and greater difficulty attracting investors, even among women with strong credit and repayment records. These challenges influence the types of businesses women establish. Without adequate capital, women may be less able to enter capital-intensive industries with opportunities to scale. DiPietro noted that women are more likely to operate businesses without employees. Starting a business because an opportunity is compelling is different from starting one because other opportunities have disappeared. Progress Requires Shared Responsibility Despite the difficult findings, Lierman and DiPietro emphasized Maryland’s strengths. The state ranks among the top ten for women’s labor force participation and has one of the smaller gender wage gaps nationally. Yet those achievements do not eliminate the need for progress. Lierman stressed that no single law can address every barrier. Government policy, public investment, corporate leadership, and individual action all have roles to play. She pointed to corporate board diversity reporting as an example of how transparency can encourage accountability, even when legislation does not directly determine who serves on boards. For Executive Alliance, the conversation reinforces the importance of examining not only how women develop as leaders, but whether the systems surrounding them allow their leadership to flourish. Maryland has talented, educated, entrepreneurial women ready to contribute. The challenge is ensuring that economic structures support their ambitions rather than constrain their choices. The report provides a foundation; what happens next depends on leaders using its findings to turn understanding into action. About the Guests Brooke Lierman is Maryland’s Comptroller and the first woman elected to the position. She previously served in the Maryland General Assembly. In the podcast, she discusses the Comptroller’s Office’s efforts to use economic research to inform public policy and advance a more equitable, resilient, and prosperous Maryland. She also brings a personal perspective as a working mother and caregiver navigating many of the challenges discussed in the report. Dani DiPietro helps lead policy research in the Maryland Comptroller’s Office, developing comprehensive reports about the state’s economic challenges and opportunities. Her work combines quantitative analysis with conversations involving Maryland residents and stakeholders. In the podcast, she describes research on housing, childcare, immigration, and women’s economic participation, emphasizing the value of connecting statewide data with lived experience to help policymakers understand barriers and identify possible solutions. This blog post was written with the assistance of AI.
By Kristin Wagonblott • October 30, 2026
Getting a seat at the leadership table is an achievement. Knowing how to use that seat—and making sure others are heard—is another kind of responsibility. In this episode of the Executive Alliance Podcast, host Rebecca Snyder speaks with Tamla Olivier, president and CEO of Baltimore Gas and Electric (BGE), about self-advocacy, the pressure to prove oneself, and the choices leaders make to create more inclusive organizations. Her experiences offer a candid look at what it takes not simply to advance, but to influence the room once there. Listen to the Executive Alliance Podcast on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/033CPjpWSpbNiaBIlljxh1?si=56fdebfb23444ca2 Hard Work Is Necessary—but Not Sufficient Early in her career at T. Rowe Price, Olivier expected that strong performance would speak for itself. When a leadership position opened, she waited to be approached. Instead, the opportunity was offered first to a peer. Although Olivier ultimately received the role after that person declined it, the experience changed her understanding of career development. She had been taught to work hard, build relationships, and deliver results. Those habits mattered, but they did not communicate her aspirations. Olivier now emphasizes telling decision-makers what role one wants, explaining why one is ready, and asking what additional experience would strengthen a future candidacy. Self-advocacy, in her telling, is not a substitute for performance; it is how capable people help others see where they want to go. Finding a Leadership Style That Fits Olivier spent more than 25 years in human resources before moving into broader business leadership. She describes HR as both strategic and deeply human: employees bring different experiences, pressures, and strengths to work, and leaders cannot expect everyone to respond to the same approach. That perspective also shaped her own development. Earlier in her career, she often modeled herself on the predominantly male leaders around her. Over time, she learned to bring her own approach while remaining open to feedback. One colleague pointed out that her facial expressions could discourage participation during meetings. Rather than abandon her directness, she asked a peer to help her recognize the behavior and practiced listening and asking more questions. Importantly, Olivier distinguishes useful feedback from unequal expectations. She also recalls being told to calm down for expressing views with a passion that was accepted from male colleagues. Effective leadership, she suggests, requires both personal reflection and a willingness to recognize double standards. The Burden of Having to Prove You Belong Olivier speaks frankly about the added pressure she experiences as a Black woman in executive leadership. Even after earning the CEO role, she feels responsible for demonstrating every day to employees, customers, regulators, and other stakeholders that she deserves the position. She recalls a colleague suggesting that an earlier move from HR into business operations was viewed by some as a diversity rotation. Her response was to ask what he had said when others made that claim. The silence was revealing. The experience reinforced a difficult lesson: even people regarded as allies may fail to challenge assumptions about who has earned an opportunity. Making the Table Work for Everyone For Olivier, inclusion is more than an invitation to attend. She remembers meetings where junior men confidently occupied seats at the main table while accomplished women sat along the edges. She encouraged one talented colleague to move into the discussion, then challenged her assumption that she needed permission to belong there. Olivier also pays attention to whose contributions are overlooked. When someone struggles to enter a conversation, she invites that person to speak; when a useful idea is dismissed, she names its value. One employee later told her it was the first time in 17 years that anyone had affirmed her contribution in a meeting. The moment underscored how much influence leaders exercise through seemingly small choices. Her experience on corporate boards reinforces the same theme. Olivier describes evaluating whether Century Aluminum was genuinely interested in evolving its leadership and governance, rather than judging the opportunity solely by its existing composition. She values boards whose members contribute different perspectives and actively support the organization. The message is both individual and institutional: women need to articulate their ambitions and claim their place, while leaders must examine who is heard, sponsored, and considered for opportunity. A seat matters most when it comes with a voice—and when its occupant helps open the conversation to others. About the Guest Tamla Olivier is president and chief executive officer of Baltimore Gas and Electric, a role she assumed in 2025. Her career includes more than 25 years in human resources and senior leadership positions at BGE, Constellation, BGE Home, and Pepco. She also serves on corporate boards, including Century Aluminum. Her leadership experience spans talent development, business operations, organizational strategy, and governance. This blog post was written with the assistance of AI.
By Kristin Wagonblott • October 30, 2026
Achievement can open doors for women leaders. But when the drive to excel becomes an expectation to do everything, the very strength that advances a career can begin to undermine well-being. In this episode of the Executive Alliance Podcast, host Rebecca Snyder speaks with Linda Roszak Burton, a former Executive Alliance president, executive coach and board-certified health and well-being coach, about why leadership development must consider the whole person, not only professional performance. Listen to the Executive Alliance Podcast on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/033CPjpWSpbNiaBIlljxh1?si=56fdebfb23444ca2 A blind spot in leadership development Burton began rethinking her coaching after the pandemic, when executive clients described the strain of supporting struggling teams while navigating their own difficulties. Traditional leadership programs teach strategy, delegation, decision-making and executive presence, she observed, but often pay less attention to the capacity leaders need to sustain those skills under pressure. She calls this a blind spot rather than a failure of leadership development. Exhaustion can erode decision quality, strain relationships and affect organizational results. For women, Burton sees an additional challenge: the emotional and practical responsibilities they often carry at work and at home. Supporting their continued leadership, she argues, means addressing physical, mental and emotional well-being alongside executive skills. When strengths work against us A central idea in the conversation is that strengths can become liabilities when overused. Drive and ambition help women reach senior positions, yet an unrelenting need to achieve may crowd out relationships, reflection and health. Burton distinguishes between a productive passion for work and an obsessive attachment that leaves little room for anything else. Her coaching starts with values, strengths, mindset and goals, including a candid look at obstacles. She also asks leaders to examine the stories they tell themselves. A woman may enter a meeting fully prepared while privately questioning whether she belongs there. That inner dialogue can shape how she presents her accomplishments. Burton encourages clients to decide how they want to feel after a meeting, then consider what mindset will help them show up that way. Small practices, sustained change The solutions Burton describes are deliberately practical. She schedules walks on her calendar and makes a backup plan for days when the original time no longer works. She also relies on coaches and peers for accountability. When a routine slips, the response is not harsh self-criticism but self-compassion and a decision about the next manageable step. One client placed a small red dot near the ignition of a car as a reminder to sit quietly for two minutes before driving. That pause could be used for breathing, gratitude or simply settling the mind. Burton asks a related question about an unexpected fifteen minutes in the day: what could a leader do with that time that would help her show up better? The emphasis is on practices that can be repeated, adapted and sustained. Gratitude beyond the thank-you note Burton’s interest in gratitude is both professional and personal. After losing her younger sister to breast cancer, she began journaling through grief. Later, studying gratitude helped her recognize the people, strengths and sources of support that had carried her through a painful period. She does not suggest that gratitude eliminates grief; rather, it helped her see her experience in a different light. In organizations, she urges leaders to move beyond generic praise. Meaningful appreciation identifies a specific action, explains why it mattered and recognizes the effort or sacrifice behind it. It also considers how each person prefers to be acknowledged. This attention can strengthen relationships and help teams recognize what worked, even during a difficult quarter, without pretending the difficulties did not exist. Leadership is not a solo endeavor Burton closes with a challenge especially relevant to Executive Alliance: women need sponsors who recognize their abilities and advocate for them when they are not in the room. They also need to sponsor one another, intentionally naming strengths and opening doors. As she puts it, the pressure is too great to carry alone. The broader lesson is not to abandon ambition. It is to make achievement sustainable through self-knowledge, realistic habits, supportive relationships and workplaces that value the whole leader. The question is not only what women can accomplish, but what will help them continue to thrive while accomplishing it. About Linda Roszak Burton Linda Roszak Burton is a former president and longtime member of Executive Alliance, an executive coach and a board-certified health and well-being coach. Her work draws on positive psychology, strengths, gratitude, resilience and stress management. She has written a gratitude journal and workbook, and she incorporates research and practical well-being strategies into her coaching of leaders and organizations. This blog post was written with the assistance of AI.
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